Free ice cream and pizza at midnight, penny slot machines, 5 course dinners, overflowing amounts of alcohol, oh yeah and some traveling. This is what cruises are all about! I remember my first cruise was actually a spring break one to the Bahamas and shit show was an understatement.
What I’ve learned from over the years and a handful of cruises later is that you just shouldn’t live without some items on a cruise! Whether it’s short 3 day vacation or a two week holiday around Europe, trust me, you can’t live without these! Or maybe you can and I’m just full of shit.
Here are my kick-ass cruise essentials to make sure you have the best experience at sea!
Let’s first talk about breaking the law shall we? HA, I mean…everyone does it..or at least tries to. BEHOLD, rum runners! No it’s not a drink, but something to hold drinks in! And by drinks I mean straight alcohol. Yes I know, they have drink packages on the boat and blah blah, but when you get a dirt cheap cruise during hurricane season, you don’t want to spend more on alcohol than you did on the trip itself. Just plain stupid if you ask me. These little alcohol bandits are the perfect tool to sneak some liquor on. Just pour, close tightly and hide all around your suitcase in various locations! The best part is they don’t get picked up by security scanners, so unless security hand checks your bag, you’re in the EVERCLEAR!
TIP: Don’t worry, you won’t go to jail or get taken out in handcuffs. If they find it they will simply discard it and be on their way. Don’t be a pussy.
Sure, you can bring your overpriced monogramed Yeti, or any other large insulated cup for that matter…just make sure it stands out! This is the perfect accessory for an ice cold drink anywhere on or off the boat. Fill it up with water before an excursion. Pour some of your smuggled vodka to make a drink! Since 70% of cruises are usually headed to tropical locations, a good Tumbler can keep your ice from melting for hours! A staple on any cruise packing list I’d say.
Gatorade packets, MIO squirt things you buy to flavor drinks, hell, even Emergen-C packets for a well balanced mimosa You might say, well Tatum..you can buy a juice package that’s way less than the alcohol package. Why yes you can, BUT you think I have any shame whatsoever in being cheap? Actually its called being smart not cheap because as soon as you step foot off that boat, bye bye free beverages. Bring a variety and then stash some in your beach bag! Couldn’t hurt right?
TIP: If you save money on the little things, you can spend it on more important things like gambling or bingo ha.
Another one of my frugal geniuses is buying your own snorkel set. Nothing fancy or high tech, just something you can use over and over again. This is smart for a number of reasons:
- Don’t have to worry about unsanitary slob nobs going into your mouth
- Don’t have to book an expensive tour just to go see some sea life
- Pretty compact and you might get to use it in places where they don’t offer snorkeling
If anything, it’s a more cost efficient way to explore underwater! Now, they even make ones you can use hands free with your GoPro attached for even more of an awesome experience.
This item is definitely subjective. If you don’t care for hot and spicy stuff, move on to the next essential. Seriously, it might sound dumb but do you know how many times we have been somewhere, not even necessarily on a cruise but anywhere…and wanted something with a kick? Most boats I’ve been on only have 1 or 2 hot sauces, or destinations we dock at, the food has been pretty sub par. In my opinion (which is always right) it’s a great secret weapon to bust out when the food needs a pick me up! You’ll thank me later.
I’ve totally mentioned this before in my Carry-on essentials list, but I’m repeating myself. When traveling to a tropical paradise, a sarong is one of the most versatile items to have! Makes for the cutest beach cover up, you can drape over your shoulders or legs in case you get cold, can double as a beach blanket that’s light weight AND can add some color to your trip! I’ve seen some really cute pictures of them blowing in the wind. Not to mention using it as a beach towel on the boat if there isn’t any on the chairs, or as padding for you to sit down by the pool. Men, wear it over your speedo! Vacation is all about not giving a fuck right?
Are you really saying WTF yet? There is a method to my madness I promise! I thought this was a straight up ignorant thing to take on a cruise until I actually brought it! We usually opt for the small rooms since we either don’t spend much time in there, or come back too drunk to care. Small=not a lot of storage for all your nonsense. Being a girl, I know that traveling as a girl is really frustrating having so many sprays, lotions and hair tools. And guys, I hear my boyfriend bitch enough to understand where y’all are coming from. This shoe organizer is the answer to all those problems! You can shove everything from sunscreen to hair ties, to makeup brushes, to perfume…I mean..even put shoes in there! By hooking it to the back of your bathroom door you create the ultimate storage wall! That tiny bathroom and dresser isn’t cluttered with a bunch of shit!
EXTREMELY important for cruising and for 2018 because we are obsessed with technology. IDC if you have a balcony suite overlooking the ocean, outlets are few and far between on these ships. By bringing a power strip you can charge all your electronics at night so you aren’t waiting around losing precious time in the morning!
Unless you wanna look like a dying raccoon in all your Pinterest-inspired beach pictures. Invest in some heavy duty water proof mascara. It makes the eyes wider and brighter, and adds just the right amount of pizzaz to your face. No need to have a full face of make up on! This should do the trick. A kick-ass cruise essential every girl needs.
This one is for you guys. Sand, salt and sweat calls for sweaty balls. Yup, I said it and you know it’s true. Chaffing (for both men and women) can really put a damper on your cruise experience. Don’t let raw thighs ruin your holiday! For some, it might work wonders, for others, it might not. But why risk it right? If ball cream isn’t up your alley, just a simple bottle of baby powder will work too! Healthy balls are happy balls
You could be fucking Chuck Norris and still get sea sick on a cruise. You never know the type of weather you will run into. Instead of puking your brains out on overboard, invest in some motion sickness medicine. Everyone is different so you might try out some different ones, but make sure to have it just in case! Many people I know have locked themselves up in their room because of the slightest rocking. More so of a just in case, but better to have it and not need it! I wonder if it would help while your drunk too? Can someone try this out for me? Thanks.
This is definitely not even close to the complete cruise essentials guide. It’s actually only the tip of the iceberg..ha get it? I just wanted to share some not so typical, down right genius items you must bring on a cruise! These will help save your sanity and account balance! I’m sure I am missing some, so if you have any other suggestions, please let me know! The sneakier the better. Until next time…
xo Bonvoyage Bitches
ps. No this does NOT contain affiliate links. I added stuff from Amazon because, who doesn’t use Amazon? BUT I do not receive money from it.